razorkissedwrists

i want to recognise your beauty is just a mask

2010-03-19T07:58:00.004+08:00

whenallyouseeis-white.blogspot.com

resign those wandering eyes.

2010-01-12T20:30:00.006+08:00

watch me paint a picture with a thousand shades of white, and then watch me write out a painting in a thousand shades of black. everything else won't mean a thing while in the moment that i gently direct the brush upwards, then downwards. and nothing else will matter because in that thousand shades, all the grey areas will be covered and nobody else

will

understand

a

single

thing.

nobody.

and your thoughts have taken their toll when your mind breaks the spirit of your soul

2010-01-06T23:32:00.002+08:00

my soul

feels

so incredibly...

oppressed.

you and i, we never had it easy baby. we've both been hurt before.

2010-01-03T22:32:00.003+08:00

so everybody knows i'm totally obsessed with fall out boy and tokio hotel, especially the lead singer. <: and i have every right to be totally wow-ed over by patrick stump, with his totally crazy range of vocals and just how pitch perfect he can be, and bill kaulitz, with his raspy sexy voice though not as awesome as patrick, but he still has a very very pretty face (same to tom).

and everybody knows that patrick stump will always be my number one singer although bill can make my heart stop any moment. so if i ever compare anyone to patrick stump, it's really a big deal.

and so, i'm comparing eric dill with patrick stump. i know he left the click five long ago but i'm still captivated by his voice, just like patrick's and bill's. my goodness. if only he was still singing with the click five :(

-

my aiming is super good for l4d/2 now <: last i played i had the highest accuracy. but obviously it's not THAT high, considering all the random crescendo moments where accuracy is not first priority anymore. but it's still pretty awesome since i'm a female. haha! nonsense.

-

i actually don't really have a plan for the future but i kinda see something though. :D along with my super-editor right beside me, i tell you we will fly.

lmao.

but we will.

screaming on top of the world but i don't think i can be heard by you.

2009-12-26T15:34:00.005+08:00

PRINTSSSSSSSSS.
super awesome colleagues

i tell you i really love my job okay. and i'm not gonna care about what you say.

-

haha l4d/2 is quite fun. though the newer special infected don't quite look that awesome... my favourite special infected is still the hunter/smoker. hehe. ninja infected. i still think it's a very violent game (cuz it's still murder though the victims are mindless braindead people) i really think the animation is super cool manz. especially the close combat range, where you can slice off their body parts, hah! and sometimes blow their body parts away. disgusting shit but i totally respect the creator. hats off manz. (yeah i'm still clueless about the weapons besides the machine gun kinds and shot gun and whatever else. i think the sniper gun is cool too but... yeah i can't tell the difference if i don't pick them up. lmao i know this is quite fail.) but hey, i know how to use the shot gun okay. and a few others. ~~just that my aiming still sucks quite a bit lmao~~

i realised i learned quite a lot of shit from l4d. hahaha.

cuz cold nostalgia chills me to the bone

2009-12-25T03:22:00.004+08:00

so maybe it's not me doing the 'walking away' part.

well of course it isn't. what a warped idea.

it's more of doing the 'giving up on the already dead hope and coming to terms with reality'.

oh what was i thinking. the world doesn't revolve around me.

still hurts either way. and even more when it comes back in two fold.

you look at me vacantly empty - just stare right through.

2009-12-19T03:55:00.024+08:00

detached.
estrange
d.
a_lie~~nated.~~

a dimension

away from

reality.

i feel so

far

away from

everybody.

does/will anybody

even feel/
remember

me?

nothing left inside, nothing to hide - simply raw &uncut.

2009-12-17T01:29:00.006+08:00

i know my life's pretty messed up right now.

i know nothing's even going in the right direction right now in my life.

i look back at everything, and i see how much i screwed up.

but hey.

guess what.

i don't regret. even though it hurts a lot.

but as long as i'm not beaten, i won't give up. as long as it doesn't kill me, i'll keep going on. as long as i have breath in this body, i'll keep fighting.

no matter how many dead ends i face, i'll keep walking. because dead ends are merely roads which have died out, leaving no path to follow. and so from there i'll make my own path.

no matter how many obstacles i face, i'll keep perservering. because these obstacles merely strengthen - they aren't here to put us down, in fact they build us up. and from this i'll get stronger.

these scars, wound, scabs, burns, cuts... they do still hurt. they hurt as much as everyone else does - i'm only human. but i'm not going to allow myself to wallow in self-pity.

because i found true joy in amidst all these pain, because He was standing right beside me all along. He was always there to comfort me, to protect me and most of all, to love me. without Him, i think i would've died. and that's why my screwed up life is simply so perfect.

i love you Jesus.

die welt hält für dich an

2009-12-13T22:32:00.002+08:00

i didn't think i would actually like my work. i thought i was going to just work to get the money and tadah, done. yeah sure, work is part and parcel of life, we all have to go through it someday, but i didn't think any else would be achieved in such a short period of time.

it went beyond the facade of earning money.

somehow the part where the money enters our pocket didn't stand out anymore. somehow the masquerade of willing service became the real deal - serving with a genuine smile and heart. somehow it became more than just... work.

the pay isn't all too fantastic, it's average, but i don't really care anymore. i did truly serve people, but somehow this time, it feels more like it. not only am i going to miss my colleagues, now friends, i'm going to miss serving these last minute christmas shoppers. :(

...

damn. i am such an emotional kid.

Mein Herz kämpft Gegen mich Wie'n Alien in mir

2009-12-13T00:39:00.007+08:00

~~the last thing i ever need to dampen my mood right now is you trying to talk sense into me when clearly, i'm not sober and still missing you. stop making me cry.~~

my back has been breaking from this very heavy heart.

2009-12-08T21:51:00.007+08:00

.heart {
padding: ∞px;
position: absolute;
visibility: hidden;
}

-

i wait for you to ask about my day. i wait for you to text me about anything, everything and nothing all at once. i wait for you to just acknowledge my existence. but the moment never comes. no matter how hard i wish, i know it will never, ever come. the sky can fall, the earth can split apart - and still i know i'll never cross your mind. on a bullet i'll carve your name, put the gun to my head and pull the trigger so that everyone would know you were the last thing that went through my mind when it all ended.

i just want to be better than your head's only medicine.

2009-12-05T16:21:00.006+08:00

hello kitty is awesome, no?

but we're much more awesome right? xD

i'm back from camp. okay so i've to admit it wasn't as bad as i thought, save the showering and games part. hah maybe the food part too. learnt quite a bit of stuff and i guess i did manage to change some parts of me. <:

keeping a part of eliza & val w me during camp! :p

a twist to the french manicure.

the first day was pretty quiet, so i'm pretty thankful they opened up on the second day. what a relief for dchow and i. :) the finale was awesome too. :D everyone bonded much more and so things went on real well :D

go tehillah! i forgot what that means.

hah, epic team member Mitchell.

dchow's the man! he held the fort:D (ignore renfred)

the only other person who was on the same wavelength as dchow and i in the team. hahaha

tail of two cities. the epic mother of all battles commences.

God held the rain back! and gave a lovely sunset.

look at how stoned we are after the omega night. we're getting old...

and guess who my mortal is! :D

x) heard he got the unibrow and mustache from renfred cuz he didn't wanna wake up. :) so maybe when his throat gets better i'll get him coke. again xD

wie tief ist zu tief? wie weit is zu weit? wo ist der anfang und das ende der zeit? gib mir einen sinn, bitte bring mich dahin.

2009-11-29T23:54:00.003+08:00

i dont need a heart.

but let Your will instead of mine be done. draw me out from fear and into fulfilment, Lord.

because You're all this heart is living for. and i don't need anyone else.

and i miss the feeling of your arms wrapped around me, but we never lasted long enough for those arms to leave an imprint on me.

2009-11-25T01:22:00.007+08:00

*secret* :B Nice hair.

I'm biting my smile and wriggling my toes to hide my excitement and anxiety.

You sit just behind me as if you have no care in the world. The trees fly by and so does the time; and I'm just sitting there, waiting for the exact moment. I know you're staring right out of the window and peeping over my shoulders to see if I'm watching. I know you're just as interested as I am, but we don't do a thing because we're 'mere strangers'.

I'm knitting my eyebrows and playing it cool to hide my emotions and accidental words.

Nothing changes as time starts to run out and we're still the same from where it began. I'm starting to wonder if I should do a thing but there are eyes all around and seconds thoughts start to seep in quick. This may never ever happen again but you look too pretty to try to have a conversation. Or maybe you're just playing it cool like I do.

I'm letting sighs escape and giving obvious signs to try my luck and give it all.

Time's finally up and my heart sinks a little because I know I'll never ever see you again. You're still staring into space as I take a glance back at your pretty face. No, you don't turn and my legs starts to wobble. With a sigh, I start to walk off, blocking out all other thoughts. But as you passed me by, you returned me that look with a grin I'd never forget.

-

Okay, so I took the bus to town today and missed my opportunity to take a photo with this super, duper awesome, hot, pretty, gorgeous, handsome, rad, lovely looking guy who looked so much like the old Tom Kaulitz. His dreadlocks just accentuated his features, especially his lovely non-local looks. Androgynous much? I think, since he resembles the Kaulitz so much. Gah :( I'm upset already. Cheryl totally understood how I feel. :(

Anyway, I met the gang for Adele's birthday celebration. I'm glad she liked our present. (She has to. The charm's from Thomas Sabo and the chain's from Goldheart.) And since I'm dressed up like one of those mannequins in Topshop/F21, I rejected the idea of any outdoor games. (Not like I fancy any, hah.)

So we ended up playing pool. I don't think we took any pictures, but I'm sure I looked hell as cool, like those idiots having fun in pubs. Yeah. <: (Fur jackets are not suitable for this shitty climate, but sometimes, people suffer to look good. Well, I don't have a lot of problems losing heat through my skin so all the more to take advantage of the situation.)

I can't believe I just wasted one whole day like that. It's only worth three paragraphs? (Maybe because I'm lazy to elaborate, but even so, it wouldn't even be more than five paragraphs!) I need to do more productive things.

There are so many things I need to do and I'm not using my time properly. I have to stop being nocturnal and start to live like a proper human! (Yeah, like I need to get to bed NOW.)

Oh, I mastered a few more songs on the piano :) I can't wait to play it outside!

silence can destroy.

2009-11-23T01:37:00.002+08:00

i hate being invisible though i know i am invisible. but nobody else bothers so whats the point?

the maximum volume on my ipod is six decibels lower than my heart's ability to tune you out.

2009-11-19T03:14:00.007+08:00

-

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to People:

1. You're just jealous because I've better clothes so stop the hating.
2. If you're gonna push me around, just you wait. I'll be gracious.
3. Have you ever stopped to think about how other people would feel?
4. Respect please.
5. Stop being so selfish.
6. Sometimes I say things just because I know you want to hear it.
7. Do you ever tire of being high and mighty?
8. Shut The Fuck Up
9. Don't patronise me.
10. I'm sorry I lied.

Nine things about myself:

1. I prefer to do things backwards. (i do my trivia questions from the bottom. including this. well i can't read stories backwards so that sucks.)
2. Acrophobic.
3. I talk to myself.
4. I listen well but I don't comfort just as well.
5. I can be really open if I want to. Other times I'm like a wall.
6. I prefer music over writing but writing is my forte.
7. I'm not short, I'm fun sized.
8. I zone out almost all the time. I really am putting in a lot of effort when listening to others.
9. I like dressing up. There won't be anybody else on the streets dressed like me. (i liek ma bootz.)

Eight ways to win my heart:

1. Be a Christian.
2. Talk with me, about anything and everything.
3. Keep smiling, no matter what.
4. Don't keep pretending to be smart because we're all flawed.
5. Be true.
6. If you're slightly romantic, thumbs up :>
7. Don't tell me things I want to hear. Tell me what your heart says.
8. Always remember to put God above us all.

Seven things that cross my mind a lot:

1. What would people think if I dress like this?
2. What if that night didn't happen? What would happen right now?
3. Why the fuck am I wearing this.
4. Time to change songs.
5. Oh dear, Quiet Time.
6. Hungry?
7. I need to get (insert a need/want)

Six things I do before I fall asleep:

1. Check if I really need to sleep
2. Brush teeth
3. Wash face
4. Check phone
5. Plug charger into phone
6. Snuggle under the covers

Five places I want to visit:

1. Chicago
2. Germany
3. Tokyo
4. London
5. His arms

Four things I'm wearing right now:

1. Rings
2. Cuffs
3. Polo tee
4. Shorts

Three bands that I listen to often:

1. Fall Out Boy
2. Tokio Hotel
3. (none?)

Two things I want to do before I die:

1. Continue praising God.
2. Hug him.

One confession:

1. I lied that night.

my parachute can't bring me back to the ground.

2009-11-15T18:56:00.002+08:00

i still like wolverine, still think that he's the strongest and hunkiest xmen.

i still like robin, still think that he's very strong and brave for a teenager.

i still like batman, still think he's damn smart and witty for a human.

i still like superman, still think that he's the bravest and most wonderful hero.

but most of all,
i still like you.
i still think you're the sweetest and prettiest guy ever.

**

Read between the lines.

one thing's for sure, i wear a halo.

2009-11-13T01:20:00.002+08:00

I wanna cry but there are no tears but if this goes on my heart will burst.

i'm ready to fall, i'm ready to crawl on my knees to know it all

2009-11-11T01:14:00.003+08:00

i just want to sit down
and cry to
the lyrics of the songs
they sing
because sometimes it just
hurts so much
and nobody but these lyrics
relate to what
i'm going through alone (almost)

Wie tief ist zu tief
Wie weit ist zu weit
Wo ist der Anfang
Und das Ende der Zeit
Gib mir einen Sinn
Bitte bring mich dahin

Lass Uns Laufen
Tokio Hotel

people can sound so different
even when they're
saying all the same things
i guess maybe it's true that
everyone's twofaced
like it has always been
the tone the words the feel
is just so different
though it's all the same
strange as it seems all the time
that's just about
how the world operates (face it)

They're telling me
It's beautiful
I believe them
But will I ever know
The world behind my wall?

World Behind My Wall
Tokio Hotel

so maybe that's what you mean
by the phrase
'meaning is lost in translation'
so maybe we're all looking
at the wrong
side of everything and
have been interpreting it
the wrong way
since the start of everything
but who knows because nowadays
people just don't care
and you don't anymore (really)

stop there, and let me correct it. i wanna live life from a new perspective.

2009-11-08T22:27:00.002+08:00

i'm not just a little of a social wreck.

i am a total social wreck.

i don't like socialising.

i prefer sitting in my lonely corner and watch people have fun.

why?

they'd stop bothering you after a while anyway, they'd then forget about you, they wouldn't even know you were there in the first place.

because i guess the last time i had fun was too long ago for me to really remember to know what it's like.

anyway it doesn't really bother because everybody wants the best for themselves and they don't care who they trample on.

so fuck off man. don't patronise me.

i hate people who just go about and 'hey, come join us' then walk off. fuckers.

well okay maybe i'm being down and all, but yeah i don't say this out at all so this is the right time to let this out of my system.

when i say one day, understand i mean today.

2009-11-02T20:30:00.008+08:00

i'm closing the window
i'm closing the door
i lay in my bed and
i'm feeling so sore

i'm feeling so sad
i'm feeling so bland
dig my nails
in the palm of my hand

feeling such anguish that
i cannot bear
and my palms nearly bleed
yet i'm so unaware

and i try to ignore
all the pain that i feel
trying to live in a world so surreal
but this is too real

i can't be blind
cuz there are tears on my pillow
and tears in my mind as
i'm crying myself to sleep

i turn off the lamp and
i'm drifting off to sleep
on my pillow so damp and
my heart so hollow

i dug this up from somewhere. i don't think i wrote this. because i doubt my english was as awesome as this two years back.

but then again. why not?

it's pretty good, huh?

-

so, i had shark's fin soup (sounds posh huh. i don't like it though.) while people were cramming for the exams today. babysitter's son's wedding.

man.

(i have nothing to say about it.)

read between the lines.

Now re-read.

But tell me, did you sail across the sun? Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded and that heaven is overrated?

2009-10-30T22:32:00.000+08:00

hope - the quintessential human delusion,
simultaneously my greatest source of strength...

and weakness.

ich bin bei dir.

2009-10-25T22:20:00.003+08:00

you may not be the one who stole a part of my heart with your smile but you're the one who's been there to save my nearly broken heart.

Auf dem Weg zu dir Sterne fallen am Horizont.

2009-10-19T22:16:00.002+08:00

Küss mich jetzt
Im Gegenlicht
Wie'n Geisterfahrer
Such ich dich
Die Nacht ist kalt
Ich fahr allein
Wie'n Geisterfahrer
Um endlich bei dir zu sein

Geisterfahrer
Tokio Hotel

Sometimes I get so tired of everything in the world, of all the habitants and their selfish ways, but I know that I can always turn to You. But dear Lord, sometimes I need someone human because my faith is not as strong as I thought it was. I know You satisfy but I wish I weren't so alone down here... My heart is so empty over there in that spot, the spot that only You and I can see. Ich bin wirklich traurig.

Believers never die //Long live the Car Crash Hearts.

2009-10-13T20:53:00.013+08:00

Fuck this all.
I really don't want to be in charge of every single fucking thing.
Fuck, okay? Fuck.

There really is a LIMIT, okay?

If you don't wanna do it, just say the word. Please don't make things difficult. Yes, just pass all the shit to me. Yes, go do whatever seems more important to you. Yes, you can sit there and do whatever you want. If you wish for me to organise some shit, please don't let me know at the eleventh hour. I know all our brains function better than computers but do you know, brains can heat up and god knows what will happen after. You don't have to put up an act as if you're really interested in doing. Keep it short, simple and sweet.

Just your shadows touch makes me feel alive.

2009-10-11T18:05:00.002+08:00

back to zero, the time's about to come. let them know you're not just anyone.

2009-10-10T01:07:00.002+08:00

Can't believe I was actually to tired to balance myself on my two feet long enough to make it out to school. So I was really exhausted. :/ sigh. Guess I'm getting old, 4 hours per day isn't enough to get me through the week now.

And I still find sleeping a waste of time. But I need it. It's like, strange. But that's just how our bodies were made, so... /:B

Whatever.. I'm off to save my body.

case open, case shut. but you could pay to close it like a casket.

2009-09-28T18:29:00.005+08:00

So... here's the deal.
You stole my heart with that smile, so I'll take you in turn?

What a statement to make...
But then again, it doesn't really matter to you, right?

Fresh pressed suit and tie,
Unimpressed birds sing and die,
Can talk my way out of anything.
The foreman reads the verdict,
"In the above entitled actions, we find the defendent...
Guilty."

You're Crashing, But You're No Wave
Fall Out Boy

A penny for your thoughts but a dollar for your insides, or a fortune for your disaster. I'm just a painter and I'm drawing a blank.

2009-09-23T23:58:00.002+08:00

The fun in writing anonymous love letters is that nobody but me knows who I'm addressing it to, and nobody but me will understand my intentions of using such words, and I don't plan to reveal it to anyone, not just anyone.

It's fun to make people think, and then create assumptions and possibilites... :)

x

We can fake it for the airwaves, force our smiles, baby, half dead.

2009-09-22T17:58:00.006+08:00

dear you,
i miss you. do you ever think of me when i do?

how can you just stand there and look so beautiful even when you're dressed down?

do you know how much it hurts to be able to to do nothing?

even when you're not around you can pop into my mind as if i'd just seen you
even when you're so far away i can feel you right beside me
even when you don't say a thing you can still hurt me...
with that smile.

i wanna scream 'i love you' from the top of my lungs

but i'm afraid that someone else will hear me

I wanna run into your arms if i had the chance to

but i'm afraid that i'll just crumble to pieces

i wanna know what this all really is

but i'm afraid i'll never have the chance to.

i miss you, i miss you so bad

if i had more than these mere words to offer to you, i would.
somehow it's strange that it actually is possible to

fall for someone who isn't ready to catch you

that it actually is possible for

feelings to develop for someone who won't reciprocate it

why is it possible to love someone who doesn't?

i miss you, do you ever?

ich vermisse dich, aber du wirst nie.

~~fuck it, i'm not in love, this is not my heart~~

The truth hurts worse than anything I could bring myself to do to you.

2009-09-21T18:19:00.002+08:00

She tugs at his sleeve and pulls him near. With a smile, she looks up at him. He only smiles back and points ahead. Snap, goes the camera and then they part. If only time stopped, we'd be beside each other for as long as it matters.

-

A continuation to 'Photographs'. Or maybe I'll rewrite it.

And this time, the protagonist will die. >_>

-

# be my next favourite person.

and it's mind over you don't, don't matter.

2009-09-21T12:29:00.005+08:00

this has been said so many times that i'm not sure if it matters.

2009-09-18T18:59:00.002+08:00

Okay, so I'm officially sixteen now! *happy*

._.

Okay. Now what.

This is what I'd been anticipating since January this year?

...

Hold on. It has always been like this. Laugh out loud. Nothing's changed, as I expected. Well, there was one really nice surprise, a real pleasant one from OHf (:

Just what am I thinking.. ernsthaft..

komm und rette mich.

2009-09-15T01:07:00.002+08:00

So then, it began that way. Now it should end that way too. Just pretend to carry on, this is the final thunder.

:) I don't know if there's any word in the dictionary or the english language that can express what I feel now. Like life and death, happiness and misery are related along the same fine line. It's that... fine.

That masquerade of joy should crack and fall off any time now.. what a flurry of feelings. Are sweet sixteens like that?

x

buzz,buzz,buzz, doc there's a hole where something was.

2009-09-12T23:06:00.001+08:00

So my phone died on me finally, once and for all, yesterday. And I went out without a phone today. Thankfully I went out with my real friends today, unlike total assholes who went MIA on me without notifying me, even at the eleventh hour.

Yeah, no music, no form of contact... Just free. Free of any communication devices, IT FELT SO GREAT. Just my friends and I doing shit all over town. Adele, Cheryl, Galton, Jason and Wilson. And Jason's friend, Ming Shun, came along for a bit and we didn't talk to him at all, hahahahhahahahahhahhaha. Well he looked very Chinese.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND.

I.

AM.

GETTING.

THOSE.

DAMNED.

DR. MARTENS.

FOR.

MY.

SIXTEENTH.

BIRTHDAY.

FROM MY GORGEOUS OHf :)

Okay teehee. Galton and Wilson were so sweet to buy me a Bicycle deck! But it's the Karnival design, yeah it has skulls :( Big sigh. I am kinda allergic to skulls, sorry if I looked like those gothic chicks out on the streets :( I have not yet touched makeup...

Anyway, thanks! I won't use it, I'll keep it somewhere... It's a gift :) Haha.

Turning sixteen this... Tuesday!

I wish that I was as invisible as you make me feel.

2009-09-09T20:24:00.002+08:00

stop making me cry. stop hurting me. stop making me feel like dying. stop making me feel even more worse than i already feel. stop making me feel so insignificant. stop making me so pessimistic though i can be pretty optimistic for a pessimist.

Ich bin so müde, ich will nicht mehr zu versuchen. Stoppen tötung mich.

The years go by and time just seems to fly, but the memories remain.

2009-09-08T02:37:00.002+08:00

I closed my eyes as I laid on the bed, my back facing the ceiling. It had been a meaningful day spent well. With a smile, I took in a deep breath, inhaling the fresh scent of lavender. There was nothing else that could make the rest of the day bad, since it was just two hours away from a new day.

Then there was a faint scent of lemon and rose, and then a pair of hands resting on my back gently. Those familiar rough fingers and callused skin, big but just the right size, could only belong to one person. Furthermore, only he smelt of lemon and rose.

"Hope you enjoyed yourself today," his voice like a whisper tossed in the wind, tangible yet fragile.

"Mmm... I did."

Slowly, his hands moved down my shoulder blade and I felt him trail kisses up the side of my neck. His soft and tender lips gave way to loving kisses which were like nobody's. The smile on my face only grew wider as I shivered under his touch.

As his breath gently tickled my skin, I turned around to face him.

But there was no one.

I quickly got up and looked around my room, outside my room and further out in the cold, but he was nowhere to be seen. Heading back to my room, I sighed in a mood of hopelessness, a sad frown enveloping my face.

As I sunk into my bed, I felt my heart die a little more inside. It was all over, and there was nothing I could do to bring it all back. All this while I had been deluding myself, misleading myself. Then I felt a weight beside me on the bed.

Without missing a beat, I sat up and saw him sitting there. He was smiling, and it was as if all my problems vanished. Then a slight wind breezed into my room, and he started to disintegrate, pieces of him drifting away into the wind, like the pappus of a dandelion.

I could only watch, speechless and more dead than ever. Just like how we never lasted, he never did either... and this was goodbye.

Forever.

-

I kinda miss you, *

If you are the shores, I am the waves begging for big moons.

2009-09-07T00:14:00.003+08:00

So she sat and stared into the vast, blue sky. There she was again, back at the same old spot from two years back. It was strange how she could still feel and hear him above the noise of the crowd. With a wistful smile, she sat down by the steps leading down into the little river.

It felt as if the whole event only happened last night - the snow spray, the partying, the long walk, the strong cold winter wind... and that one wrong move. Running a finger along the coarse rocky ground, she felt a strong surge of courage running through her. She wouldn't cry no more, she wouldn't. It was time.

Taking in a deep breath, she opened her eyes. He was gone, she had to, too. Then she stood up and started to walk away. Just before she left there for good, she turned around again. There they were, huddled together and laughing quietly. Before their silhouettes melted into each other, she turned away and smiled weakly.

It hadn't been an easy road, but nobody said it ever was. Tossing a kiss back into the wind, she walked off, leaving the memory of that night there, for ever and for eternity.

And so I will walk down the path that's been paved out for me by the Lord. I will not be tied down by such pathetic wordly memories, and I will strive to serve the Lord in all that I do, all that I say and all that He has for me. Because nothing is greater than Him who can satisfy me.

Now talking's just a waste of breath, and living's just a waste of death... so why put a new address on the same old loneliness?

2009-09-05T22:12:00.001+08:00

And so the days draw closer, her heart dies a little more. It's just like the intoxicating fumes of death and loneliness, both serve to kill. Just like the purpose they serve, they do it the same way.

So come asphyxiate me.

"Always remember, believe in today, believe in tomorrow, believe in yourself, and whatever happens, don't jump." -bill<3

2009-09-01T00:00:00.006+08:00

Happy 20th to Tom &Bill Kaulitz (:

And the selfish little brother, to his older brother,

(:

So bury me in memory around your throat.

2009-08-29T23:14:00.001+08:00

The tap behind my eyes aren't faulty, the opening to the flood of emotions from my heart is stuck, everything has stopped working like it should ever since that day... It's like a vicious cycle, everything spiraling downwards into oblivion.

Wake up every morning and put on the same face that gets me through the day. Get drunk on fucking cheap thrills only to realise how empty and hollow and meaningless it has been. All those moments where I can just sit down and cry for no rhyme or reason... it's all lost in time, gone with the wind, not there anymore since that day...

Funny, much? Even the words I can use is unable to fully express how I feel right now. A mixed tinge of feelings that range from jubilation to exhaustion to a heartbreak.

So wear me like a locket around your throat. I'll weigh you down; I'll watch you choke.

2009-08-28T22:13:00.002+08:00

These memories are like photo albums, kept, locked and thrown away into the closet where those skeletons are. It's like a picturesque little painting that speaks more than a thousand million words... Flip each page and drown in them...

You look so good in blue, so good in blue.

like putting wings on lead.

2009-08-27T20:51:00.001+08:00

It's like my heart refuses to beat.

-

You can just stand there and give me that shy, awkward smile of yours and light up the rest of my day, even if you hadn't taken your medicine.

Let's stay and wait for the morning, even if it's not in sight.

2009-08-25T21:09:00.006+08:00

Don't patronise me, thanks.

No really.

I understand (:

Don't feel bad for the suicidal cats, gotta kill themselves 9 times before they get it right.

2009-08-23T18:40:00.021+08:00

Well, I'll apologise I prefer guys 1) with long hair 2) that dress weird 3) that look chubby 4) that isn't the kind that fits any of your tastes. But would you please respect what I like? Because I respect your likings, EVERYONE. I rarely criticise the people you like/idolise, and at those times which I do criticise they are always jokes, AND they never happen again.

So why, whenever I mention Patrick/Bill, why do you all roll your eyes and say whatever? Why, whenever I share about their songs, why do you all never even bother to try to listen, and just look away, saying how 'they can't sing! they just look good.', 'what rubbish is he singing, anyhow sia.' Why, whenever I mention the things I like, why do you all shut me out and start talking about your stuff? It hasn't been an easy road from primary school until now. It hadn't been easy for me to break those walls and actually open up to people. It hadn't been easy to pretend that it didn't hurt, that I'm insensitive to your comments.

The only thing I probably did not share is sensitivity. I know I say I pretty much don't care about my feelings but do you know, at the end of the day, how hurt I am? Well then again, it doesn't matter. You can just stay happy, live, love, laugh, have fun, without me. No matter how hard you try to act like you don't care, I can tell. How many years of experience do I have on such stuff? More than you ever know. More than you can ever imagine. More than half your life as much as mine.

But then again, nobody bothers, and even if they did, it's selective bothering. So whatever, whatever really. I've had enough of patronising. It's been eight long years. And still counting. Whatever, really. That's all I can say about all this now. Just when I decided to care about myself and to open myself. Just when I thought I could finally stop being afraid to talk to people, except my real best friends, like who? Valery&Hannah. At least they listen and respect me. And give me honest opinions. They don't patronise.

One more thing. There's a limit to how much insults without offense I can take. But then again, it doesn't matter, right? Because all that matters is that YOU have had fun, that YOU have created awesome memories for yourself, that YOU are the best. Whatever. I'll apologise for being so sensitive, for being so self-centered. I'm just tired, and I don't really want to care anymore. Because nobody listens, and people always wonder why I'm crazy somewhere. liekwhatbipolarschizophreniaobsessive
compulsivemaybejustsimplycrazyintheheadwithaloo
sescrew

Ich bin wirklich müde.

Oh, maybe I shall apologise I 1) overdress 2) wear accessories like a shop 3) pair shirts and skirts like nobody's business 4) like to dress up, even if it's for fun 5) like to wear things people don't. The only times I let my dressing loose a little is only when I go out with friends. And even so, you all still say I overdress. Why do you even want to criticise what I wear? Why can't you just understand I follow my style and not the mainstream fads/fashion? Are you ashamed to walk beside me?

I like dressing up, I like looking different from people, I like wearing out my style. So just respect me, and not give me insults-without-offense kind of jokes because it really hurts.

I like my nails black like crazy people, white like liquid paper. I like my skirts short but I wear them with leggings, my pants ripped/torn/destroyed to match my life and self-esteem. I like my clothes paired to my own style like insane people (or whatever, scene). I like writing and doodling like nobody's business. I don't like talking on the phone but I still do, because people don't listen so I put up with them. I like respecting people for what they like but they apparently don't.

P/s: Y'know, even if you lied and said you liked FOB/TH's songs, I would be really happy. Oh wait, it doesn't matter right?

thewholeworldcanjustgotohell

2009-08-21T22:59:00.005+08:00

There are many things I don't like, but I can tolerate. But there is one thing that will never fail to get on my nerves, and that is WHINING.

I ABSOLUTELY DISLIKE/DETEST/CAN'T STAND PEOPLE WHO WON'T STOP WHINING, AND CONTINUE TO PUT THEMSELVES DOWN, THEN COME FIND ME AND WHINE AT ME, NON-STOP/REPETITIVELY/LIKE A SPOILT TAPE RECORDER. THEN CRY. BECAUSE 1) WHEN YOU WHINE I TURN OFF 2) I CANNOT COMFORT PEOPLE 3) I DO NOT LISTEN TO PEOPLE WHO KEEP REPEATING THE SAME THING, EVEN IF IT'S REPHRASED. SIMPLE.

oh my eff. really pissed now. 1) i am not getting replies to my smses 2) the guys are pissing me off as they do not realise the intensity of the predicament we are in 3) my phone keeps dying on me every single fucking minute and when it dies it doesn't work for a period of a full five fucking minutes and i can't send a simple sms out 4) nobody is replying my sms and they expect me to settle everything perfectly for the next plan that's supposed to work 5) my dad won't stop talking to me 6) blogger is still fucking itself 7) i am actually talking to a person who won't even bother try to listen to my advice and keeps wallowing in self pity spare me will you 8) it's 11.07pm and i need to sleep because i haven't slept well the past few days 9) the exams are like nearly 60 days away and why do i have even more shittier problems than before that i don't need to fix 10) nobody is listening 11) my phone just died on me again wtf 12) nobody's listening and i'm really just talking to myself kthnxbai 13) A1 for english is not an option 14) can't feel more dead than i already am it's like numb to the bone

Used to breathe without a doubt.

2009-08-16T22:41:00.000+08:00

First hotmail, then facebook, then blogger. And I just fucking lost my post. Fuck blogger man. Fuck the internet, would you stop screwing yourself?

Wrote something kind of a spur of a moment kind of thing so... I'll try my best to retrieve the information from my OWN reliable memory bank.

-

Twins are cool. It's when a single egg is fertilized to form one zygote, which then divides into two separate embryos. Scientifically it doesn't sound very significant but if you think about it, it's really actually very... precious.

Was on youtube just now for fun. Ended up looking for Patrick/Bill stuff. Then I came across a video of Bill crying. Out of curiousity I clicked on it. All it took was the description and I cried. Here's what the person wrote:

Bill was crying because it was his birthday in this video, and they were talking about what Bill wanted for his birthday, and Tom said "The best gift that I ever received came ten minutes after I was born." And, obviously, that gift was Bill. :)

Maybe you guys'll just shrug it off, but it's different when you've been walking alone for a very long time. By this, I mean it in the physical context. Sometimes you just need a physical person to be there to listen/be there for you. That's just about it.

Just how long has it been?

-

I'm surrounded by a million people and I still feel alone.

Hörst du mich, Hörst du mich nicht?

2009-08-11T20:30:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I can't help but wonder if I was the one who caused it all.

But would you have been happier if nothing happened?

Es geschah alles so lange her, aber weil Ich führte sie zu passieren, kann Ich nie vergessen, Ich nie wirst. Es tut mir leid. Seien Sie glücklich.

Tschüß.

Ich bin nich' ich wenn du nich' bei mir bist - Bin ich allein.

2009-08-08T12:12:00.004+08:00

That's why I love twins.

We often forget they're more than just superstars - they're only human like us too. I don't just love the Kaulitz twins because they're hot, I love them for being so human unlike stars who let Hollywood transform them into someone else they don't know.

Nothing's ever built to last.

2009-08-03T17:57:00.003+08:00

Maybe it's just me, I think it really is. It's just one day in the year, like every other day, no big deal. Every year people come to me saying stuff like: "You know I received so many wishes my phone hanged? Like wth right!" "You know two people gave me the same present? *frowns* They trying to be funny is it?" "I can't carry all these! Why they give me so many things?"

And I find it so pathetic. That I remember each and every one's day. That I've watched people fight over what present to give so&so. That I've to remind people in their faces when it's my turn. It really is so pathetic... It's beyond words... and I shan't elaborate, because it's going to be the same this year.

But this time, I'll be there at my usual spot. Again.

I’m surrounded by a million people and i still feel all alone.

2009-07-31T14:06:00.000+08:00

It doesn't matter since nobody else really understands. Coming to terms with the truth is like using tissue papers, an easy movement of pulling it out of the box... like an everyday chore. I do believe it's just me, so... well, let me just be me for a little while more. Before I step out of this shell.

erzähl mir alle lügen, mach es so, dass ich es glaub.

2009-07-29T21:38:00.008+08:00

Ich weiß, dass ich oft sagen, Leute, die fröhlich bin ich, aber die Wahrheit ist, ich brauche dass jemand besondere. Ich so müde, zu halten schauspielerisch. Ich bin wirklich einsam, wirklich wirklich einsam. Es spielt keine Rolle, auch Sie wusste, dass es - denn Sie würden nicht Pflege. Und es wirklich weh tut. Ich versuche mein Bestes, aber am Ende des Tages, was habe ich erreicht? Sie sind nach wie vor du, aber ein anderer Teil von mir gestorben ist. Ernst, was zum Teufel mache ich.

Ich bin müde.

Ich vermisse dich.

Surf out blank waves click back and forth like old headlights sniffing bottled glue again.

2009-07-22T22:56:00.003+08:00

Galton says:
hi
razor kissed wrists &taped up hearts ; freiheit says:
hi :]
Galton says:
give you love sign using hand
razor kissed wrists &taped up hearts ; freiheit says:
aww
haha
<3

Told you Galton is mighty adorable. He gives me something to smile about even though it's nothing much. Best liao lor.

we was like one and the same, on the right track but on the wrong train.

2009-07-20T23:48:00.004+08:00

Trying to overcome insecurity sometimes just overwhelms;
It's just like getting drunk on cheap lousy wine.

Da unten ist nichts mehr, was Dich hier oben noch hällt.

2009-07-11T14:02:00.006+08:00

Why does she look so familiar? I wondered to myself as I looked up the building, towards the girl who was standing at the edge, on the ledge. There was this unspeakable bond between that girl and I - she felt like a part of me. All around me sirens were blaring and people were whispering, but strangely, no one was doing anything. The wind was especially cold and chilly tonight, was it colder up there? Without any apparent reason, I called out my name.

I looked down at the crowd that was increasing in number at the bottom of the building. Up here, the wind was cold and calm. The night sky was clear, save a few glittery stars and the young crescent moon. And I heard it. I heard that voice calling out to me, but I don't hear it. I don't let myself hear it. It's been a long and tiring journey. A silent and painful tear coursed down my cheek... and it fell.

A silent tear hit the cold and hard pavement. It sounded like shattering glass, crashing cymbals, and fighting ants all at the same time - just like the sound of a breaking heart. The crowd was getting bigger but still, there was no movement. They were all just watching the girl up there as if she were performing for them... the act of taking her life away.

It was as if the city was watching me cry, counting my teardrops... Each one a promise of everything I never found. From the day I was born, I knew there was no one I could trust...and I learnt that even I was an enemy. Looking up at the crescent moon, I felt shards of my heart shatter into smaller pieces. The memories of that day resurfaced, the day I realised I was a threat to myself...

-

It was a chilly winter afternoon and I was alone at home. I laid on my bed under the duvet covers, staring at the ceiling. As if Death had visited me in my dream, my will to live suddenly disappeared. There seemed to be no reason for me to be awake, for my eyes to open. Outside the snow was falling lightly, giving the face of the world a new makeover. Somehow I was numb to the excitement of falling snow, just like it was any normal boring day. No matter how much I tried, I never found the light at the end of the tunnel... How much I wish to start all over again... I never meant to let you down...

-

I knew I had to stop that girl, and I was the only one who could do it. All these plastic people were empty and shallow, they simply couldn't care less about that life up there. I ran.

Peeping over the edge of the building and between my converses, another tear fell. Just how many empty promises had come and gone in my life? It was a simple movement... Another step and... Free fall, to where Death was calling me to.

The stairs never seemed to end. Every step I took gushed a flood of familiarity, a wave of the cold past, a breeze of death itself. A sick acidity filled my lungs, threatening to choke me any second... then I reached the end.

The city lights were glittering in perfect symphony with the stars which studded the night sky in beauty. So this was how it felt like to have your life flash before your eyes...

Bursting through the door of the roof access, I gasped for breath. Without wasting a second after, I weaved through the huge silver ventilation tunnels and I found her. That same dark maroon long sleeve top with the exact bell bottomed jeans that I wore a few days ago... and the same pair of worn out converses I was wearing at the moment. Slowly I walked towards her, careful of my every action. When I was an arm's length away from her, she turned.

I wasn't surprised to see her. I knew I would try my best to save me without knowing it. But it was the end.

She looked very tired and weary so I offered her my hand, unsure of how long I could stay on like this. My kindness would kill me someday... Just how strong was I? But for now, it didn't matter. "Give me a chance, just take my hand," I cried out. She took a second glance at me.

I turned and looked at her. Studying her with my eyes, I snorted. "I'm going to forget." I said.

A flurry of memories ran through my mind and I saw. "Don't be deceived by the lights, they will not guide you through. It's not the light to the end of tunnel," I whispered through tears. "Please don't jump..."

I was confused. Since when was my mind so clear? I studied myself again, refusing to believe it.

Then I saw it. The reason why I felt that this girl was so familiar. She was me. I was her. If she died, half of me would die too. I grabbed her hand and pleaded her not to jump.

Another tear slid down my cheeks, a silent laughter escaping. This was all a joke. All. A. Joke.

"If all that can't hold you back... I'll jump for you."

I turned to face myself again, with a slow and painful smile. But I wasn't there anymore. So it was all just a fragment of the memory I'd decided to forget. But I wasn't going to let myself down on the second attempt. Then I realised I was too afraid to jump. Turning away from the world, I took a step back... It was a free fall, allowing the arms of death to catch me.

-

I may be strong and brave, but please know that I am fragile too.

(c)2009,dinah/tokio hotel

[EDIT] I changed the ending. This is the previous one:

My head snapped back and I glanced at myself, who had already pulled me back to safety. Our positions had changed and with a heartwrenching smile etched across my face... And I fell. I wasn't able to catch a hold onto myself.

-

That night the world only saw a girl hop off the ledge to safety suddenly. The crowd slowly dispersed and rolled their eyes, not surprised at the teen who tried to get attention. But nobody knew that a part of me had died that night, that part that wanted to live died for the part that wanted to die.

HTC Magic; literally magic(k).

2009-07-09T21:30:00.020+08:00

I was browsing through an online mobile phone catalog because my father told me I could change my phone. (Yay!) It has been nearly two years since I've been using hand-me-down phones, thankfully in working condition.

But this time he was like, "You better get a phone you like, and choose properly because I'm not going to get you another phone." (Double yay for me!) So I looked through and the moment I saw HTC Magic, I knew I was in love.

This fabulously sleek and sexy phone...

VERSUS

This pretty handsome but anorexic phone.

First, I was hesitant. Yes, I did want a HTC phone for almost like ever, but would it be a wise choice? So I thought.

I am an avid gamer and text messager, to the point where I message without looking at the phone - very handy for messaging in class, hehe. Most of the time, I type faster than I can think and moreoften than not, I tend to type the wrong words that don't make sense in a sentence. HTC Magic has a handy qwerty keyboard for me to unleash my thoughts just as fast as I do, and with this phone I believe I can message even faster. When I say 'handy keyboard', I'm not talking about a slide-out one. You get to poke the 3.2" 320 by 480 pixel screen to enter your thoughts - a plus point to messaging in class! No more clickety-clicks :p

Since I'm constantly on the move, I try not to bring a lot of things around because my back doesn't seem to agree with me. So instead of carrying a phone and a camera, why not put the camera into the phone? My previous phone has a 2 megapixel camera with 2.5x digital zoom. I found it pretty reasonable, but HTC Magic has a 3.2 megapixel Camera with 8x digital zoom and get this, auto-focus. It's just like a darling, you can take macro shots with this! So now, I don't need a super awesome camera just to take proper pictures anymore, HTC Magic will take care of it! No more blurry pictures anymore, especially for taking pictures of clothes for blogshops. :]

Clear vs Blur

This is so fail :(

Like I said, I'm constantly on the move so I don't have much time to charge my phone. Another plus point for this phone is that it uses a 1,340 mAh battery, which means its standby time is approximately 660 minutes, just enough for me to make my necessary calls and still have enough power to last me through the day. (And it's a 3G phone, omg!) Awesome, no? Not forgetting that you can charge it via the USB outlet too, so all I have to do (in extreme cases) is to carry the USB cable around and suck people's power, muahaha. >:) (So handy please!)

As HTC Magic is powered by Android™, its items are obviously in the Android Market. (Haha fancy name.) Not only can I download third party applications from the Market, I can develop applications for it! Like everywhere else, there's probably lots of applications in there so it's gonna be a blast browsing through what they have. It's like shopping, you never know how good the item is until you try it out. :}

Some apps include USA TODAY, where you can get info on the go anywhere,

Imeem Mobile, where you can enjoy free streaming of your favourite music anytime,

Google Sky Map, where you can view constellations by pointing your phone up at night,

and many, many more. I could go on and on but you will never know how awesome all this is until you get your hands on this wonderful creation packaged in a chic style phone yourself.

Discover Magic with HTC Magic.
www.htc.com/sea

Pictures credit to
Android and Google

I don't just want to be a footnote in someone else's happiness.

2009-07-08T21:34:00.003+08:00

I know I am hungry but my body does not tell me until a few hours later, when it's too late for me to eat because my stomach refuses the food to enter, making me feel bloated. When I eat I try my best to finish everything, because if I stop, my stomach closes up. Even when I do eat, I can't help it if my body decides to reject it. Slightly anorexic? I think. But I've been trying to eat, so stop telling me I have to eat because I am really trying. I hope you know what I'll do if you piss me off, nagging at me to eat. I can go on nearly a week without eating so would you all stop it. And yes, I am underweight. BMI's 16.64 so if you know what's best, walk away and leave me to it. When I say I don't like what you're offering to me to eat, don't try to make me eat it. My stomach will close up and I won't be able to eat thereafter. And yes I am fat (in the way that I know 80% of my body mass is made up of fats, not muscles whatever).

Dear Stomach, I hate you.

Truth be told, I miss you... And truth be told, I'm lying.

2009-07-07T23:59:00.000+08:00

I like you.
I dislike you.
I want you.
I do not want you.
I need you.
I do not need you.
I want to hug you.
I want to run from you.
I want to hear your voice.
I want to scream when I see you.
I want to see you smile.
I want to hurt you.
I want to make you happy.
I want to break you for what breaks me.
I want to tease you.
I want to hurl insults at you.
I want to be there for you.
I want to make you fall.
I want to be the only one you see.
I want to disappear when you notice.
I want you to be the reason I smile.
I want you to know how hard it is to be me.
I want you to be there for me.
I want you to know why I'm like that.
I want you to hold me in your arms.
I want you to know the truth.
I want you to hold my hand.
I want you to know I'm hurting.
I want you to tell me everything's okay.
I want you to know things will never be okay.
I love you.
I hate you.
I want to stop talking to myself.
But I'm the only one who listens.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.

2009-07-05T01:00:00.001+08:00

I had Bandito Pockett today. Felt like I had the best food on earth okay. It was really awesome. Wanna eat it again soon. I have to find time =_=

So anyway I went home and had another weird conversation with my mom. I walked into my room and walked out again to wash my feet. My mom kept looking at me. So it went like this...

Me: Why you keep looking at me? =.=
Mom: Because I never see you wear pink before ma.
Me: =.= I wear this before la! Anyway where got pink! Little bit only!
Mom: Hahaha *continues watching Boys Over Flowers on tv*

=_= Win liao lor. Epic.

And I want it so bad, I'd shoot the sunshine into my veins.

2009-06-30T19:51:00.003+08:00

Love is dying for even the people who hate you.

That's what He did for you, for me... for the entire human race.
(L)

Raindrops keep falling on my head, they keep falling.

2009-06-28T04:19:00.002+08:00

Those big blue skies, big fat rain drops, awesome wonderful teachers, old school compound, messed up trees, entertaining school books, weird bimbotic selfish friends... The place with the most memories... -

You can only blame your problems on the world for so long before it all becomes the same old song.

2009-06-25T02:42:00.003+08:00

If God answers your prayer, He is increasing your faith. If He delays, He is increasing your patience. If He doesnt answer, He has something BETTER for you.

-Unknown

I'm just a notch in your bedpost, but you're just a line in a song.

2009-06-24T13:47:00.003+08:00

It's really frustrating when the friends you have won't stop at 'scolding' you for not watching a movie OR going out with them because you've already plans made way long ago with someone else to do this or that. They continue on to give you looks in a joking manner but it gets really irritating after. And it continues on even to the next outing or something.

It gets worse when you say 'I can make it but I'll be late'. Then they cuss at you and roll their eyes and when you say 'It's better than never, or do you want me to not go out with you guys altogether?' then they take back their words. It's really fucking annoying because they don't appreciate your presence.

Then when you ask them to watch a particular movie OR go out with them, it's almost totally okay for them to say 'Oh, I've already watched it :D' or 'I'm going out with XXX and OOO, I can't make it on that day :(' but not okay for you to say it. Like seriously?

It gets even more on your nerves when these situations don't just happen once, twice or even thrice - it goes on, goes fucking on. Oh wait, it doesn't stop just there. They can share about their favourite bands and you MUST like them, or they'll use that point and shoot you back in a joking manner that GOES on. When you share about your favourite band and if it's not to their genre of music, they roll their eyes and say 'Oh man, they suck, XXX is so much better', sometimes even without trying to listen to any of their songs, and you can't fucking do anything about it.

When you cancel the outings, they frown and get angry, but when they cancel the outing, it's perfectly fine. *rolls eyes* It's a wonder how I survived all this. Their happiness at the expense of mine. It's the same all around the world, and even to the nicest person.

So why don't I make one more wrong turn tonight?

2009-06-22T22:26:00.009+08:00

If I could turn the time back, I wouldn't want to change anything. Not even if I had another shot at what I really regret, because if it weren't for my mistake, I wouldn't be who I am today. Although that mistake was really to be damned, looking at where I am today, I really believe it has made me better.

Dear *, I know you are very sure of what you're doing and I hope that you'll continue on with no regrets. Thank you for being there when I needed you to (almost) and still being my really good friend. Thank you for reuniting me back with Jesus :)

Dear Wuss, I don't give a flying fuck as to what you do and whatever stories you're going to make up about me just to justify your actions during those times and even up till now. You bring fail to a whole new level, seriously, and stop wallowing in self-pity because it's seriously grosteque. Also, please stop fucking trampling on other people just to get to where you want to :) It's quite rude, yah. And thanks for the love; I never loved you. It was all just to make you happy, Emo Kid. Oh, and stop the pretence, poseur. :)

Dear Prude, please learn to respect others before commanding others. And stop being so fucking sensitive because it is just a game. Just because you helped me out so much, it doesn't mean I've to repay in threefolds because dude, it just doesn't work that way. Friends don't dog friends? Apparently you don't treat me like one, so speak for yourself first, you jabroni.

Right now, I love everything I have now and where I am now. I love the way I can make people happy and I'm really happy for everything else:) Especially with my friends and everything else... and billard.

Why should I care? If you don't care then I won't care.

2009-06-21T21:32:00.000+08:00

Photoshoots can be quite fun.